Loss and Grief in Bodywork
In preparation meeting with Rebecca Brumfield of Badass Bodyworkers to talk about grief, death, and bodywork, I picked a day to be aware of grief, big and small, that showed up as part of a regular day. This is what I noticed:
Upon awakening, a photo of my family beside my bed
In the mirror, graying hair, sagging skin, receding gums
On social media, the obituary of a high school friend, news of fatalities from a natural disaster, news of war, abuse, and other atrocities
Driving to work, cemeteries where family members and friends are buried
People in my community who are unhoused
A co-worker tells me her aunt died, a client tells me about a caner diagnosis
On the drive home, a grove of oak trees felled to make way for a new subdivision
The childhood home of a friend reminds me of the innocence of youth, lost too soon
Preparing diner with my husband, noting the food we no longer eat because of health issues
At the end of this day of noticing grief, I get on my yoga mat, setting an intention to be present with my grief and allow myself to fully feel all of it. All of the normal and natural daily griefs that come with life. I let tears well, let my ribcage shake, squeeze and release tight muscles. I acknowledge the energy, in the form of emotion and physical sensation and allow it to exist until it subsides.
Loss is unavoidable and grief is the natural response to loss. Grief, left unspoken, unfelt, untended can build up, sometimes to the point of overload. This overload may look like illness, pain or discomfort, unexpected emotions, fatigue, or worse. Tending to grief does not mean “getting over it”, but learning to live with it. There are many ways to tend to grief…movement, stillness, creativity, nature, laughter, nervous system regulation, and service to others, just to name a few.
Bodywork can also be a way to tend to the build-up of grief. Bodywork supports movement, release, acceptance, and healing. For bodyworkers to best support our clients as they deal with physical issues, we must take care of our own physical issues. The same concept applies to supporting our clients through grieving. To best support them, we must be taking care of us. We must take time to maintain the clear presence our clients need with regular self care.
A regular, intentional movement practice is one way to keep yourself emotionally clear and available, but sometimes more is required. Some losses are immense, requiring more time, more acceptance, more tending. For me, “bigger” losses require far more creativity, digging deeper, not just tending grief, but honoring loss in a more engaged way. This is a list of things I have done over many years to intentionally tend to my grief and honor what I have lost:
Wrote every day for 30 days using prompts from an online course about grief
Took a suicide awareness course
Learned to play the ukulele (not well)
Wrote a song and performed it for friends (not well)
Created art (photography, video, and multi-media)
Made a stencil and graffitied a bridge (breaking the law has consequences)
Drove to the ocean just to listen
Whispered their name
Harvested, dried, and arranged flowers for the tombstone
Took snacks to the grave
Spread ashes while paragliding
Changed the direction of my career
Laid prone on the forest floor
Built a fire and burned journals, letters, and photos
Told stories
Created an altar
Wrote letters
Went to therapy
Collected and processed deer bones for art projects
Texted with a friend group about our deceased friend every Friday for about 10 years
Ended the text chain when another member of the group died
Anything can be an act of tribute when done with intention. I encourage you to acknowledge and feel your grief as a routine practice and not ignore the urge to do something more ceremonial when you are called.